Around for awhile

Waking Up
The landline rang just past 9:30 this morning. I was still deep asleep and had that moment of panic that occurs when the phone rings in the middle of the night. Mica’s matter-of-fact proposal of brunch followed by a trip to dog park tipped me off that it was morning whether or not I wanted it to be.

I was weighing the pros (a delicious bacon enhanced breakfast) against the cons (shower, dress, etc.) when my cell phone rang. I checked the screen. “It’s Blaine,” I told Mica. “Hang on a second.”

I answered Blaine’s call. “Good morning!” I said, wondering if inflection alone was enough to hide the fact that I hadn’t yet lifted my head off the pillow.

“Good morning.” I think I detected a smile. I definitely heard a deep, gravelly haven’t-spoken-yet tone that was appealing. Also surprising since he’s usually out the door early on Sundays.

“Is this the voice of someone who cheered too long and too loudly yesterday?” He went to a college football game, the spring scrimmage, and then out with the tailgate group. As a result, I didn’t see him. My taking care of Izzy had something to do with it too. Eve and Paul returned much later than planned.

Blaine tried but couldn’t manage a chuckle. Maybe that noise was a chortle. “I slept through the alarm.” He cleared his throat. “Have you had breakfast?”

“Not yet. Hang on a second, OK?”

“I’ll be here.”

I slipped the cell under the pillow and picked up the landline. “Still there?” I spoke softly.

“Yes.”

“Blaine is asking about breakfast. How do you feel about meeting him today if he’s up to it?” After our haircuts yesterday Mica and I had lunch. I told her about the invitation to his birthday celebration. She was lukewarm about the idea of being surrounded by a bunch of people she doesn’t know.

“Sure.”

I fished the cell phone out from the beneath the pillow. I explained the situation and asked if he wanted to join us. “I’d like that.”

By the time the details were sorted and everyone had disconnected, I felt like taking a nap.

Brunch
Since we were going to the dog park after, I drove to Mica’s, said a quick hello to the little white dog, and she drove us to the restaurant.

There was a short wait for a table. Blaine arrived in time for introductions before we were seated. He said hello, bending down to kiss me near my ear, a spot he’s found I like.

I made the introductions, and as they exchanged hellos and nice-to-meet-yous and heard-many-nice-things, I took a step back and thought This will go well. How could it not? They are truly two of most likeable people I’ve ever known. Stress I didn’t realize I was carrying drifted away.

A waitress led us to a table near the bar. Eight TVs lined the wall above it. Four were showing MLB highlights on ESPN and the other four were showing a different set of baseball highlights on Fox Sports. I stole a few-second glance before sitting down. Blaine followed my gaze. “We’ve lost her.”

“Wait until she starts talking to the TV,” Mica said.

He perked up. “Does she get pretty excited during games?”

“She scares the dog.” They both laughed.

“I can still hear you when I’m not looking at you,” I said. But really, my only role was to listen and occasionally clarify my side of a story.

They covered our college years -- how we became friends, majors, shenanigans -- that sort of thing. Blaine asked about Mica’s work, and he didn’t understand her explanation any better than I ever have. I offered, “In a nutshell, she is assigned projects no one can do and she figures out how to do them perfectly.” I held up a finger to her. “Yes, you do.” She shook her head, rolled her eyes, busied herself with a slice of pineapple.

Blaine was amused. “You two respond to compliments the same way.” I’d never noticed but after being friends for so long, it isn’t surprising we have similar habits and mannerisms.

Blaine gave her the essentials of his background and job, interests, the usual. He told her about Allison and Eli. Mica’s great nephew isn’t quite a year older than Eli so they exchanged preschool-kid anecdotes. “Eli’s pretty cute,” I confirmed.

“He liked you,” Blaine said. “So did Allison.” It’s the first time this has come up. I hadn’t wanted to make a big deal out of meeting her since it seemed to happen in an unplanned way.

“I liked her too.” She was easygoing like Blaine and fun in a way different from Blaine. I suspect she has more of her mom’s personality. “Is she comfortable with you…” I wobbled my head. “...dating?”

Blaine nodded. “She is.” Then a slow forming grin. “More so than you,” he winked. Mica laughed at that. He asked her if I’d told her about my “confusion” over whether we were dating. She said I had.

I sighed. “It was only the first time we went out that was ambiguous.”

Mica said, “It isn’t a bad thing to want things made clear.”

“No, it isn’t a bad thing,” Blaine said.

The air seemed to change. I searched for a way to change the subject, preferably one that didn’t involve me shouting Who wants more bacon?

“I wanted to meet you,” Blaine told Mica, “because I hope I’ll be around for awhile.” He looked at me. “You have first refusal of that idea, of course.”

“I’m good with it,” I said.

“Then I am too,” Mica said, adding, “but the only opinion that really matters to her is [little white dog’s], so you still have to meet him.”

Whew, that restored some oxygen to the air.

Mica said, “We’re going to the dog park after this. If you want to meet us, you’re welcome.” Whether he realized it, that was her stamp of approval.

Since he’s never been to the new park we go to, I rode with him to provide directions while Mica went home to get the little white dog. She would take me back to my car after dog park.

Dog Park
We arrived at the park ahead of Mica. She was probably going to be another 20 minutes. On the drive across town we talked in generalities -- how he had liked Mica and that I was certain she had liked him, how the restaurant needed better bunsen burners under the chafing dishes because the biscuits were cold.

Once we were parked in the lot at the dog park, I thought about the thing on Facebook I had seen that said it’s a choice to take a chance in order to make a change. Taking a chance with Blaine requires letting go of a lot of defenses. While the only one that ever worked  -- the decision to not date again -- is already gone, I still have a death grip on the rest.

“I hope I’ll be around for awhile too,” I told him, looking across the parking lot into the big-dog side where a dozen or so dogs we’re running around. “I worry I’ll push you away even though it’s the last thing I want to do.” I turned in the seat to face him, knowing I needed to look at him for this. “Sometimes I do that by pretending someone isn’t as important to me as they are. Sometimes, I retreat. Sometimes I try denial — If we’re hanging out rather than dating then nothing much can come from it, and my expectations remain in check.” Right then I wished I hadn’t started this. Change is probably overrated. “I’m a bit of work.”

“You have been the opposite of work. You’re very easy to be with.”

“Give me time.”

“That’s the plan.”

The Important Introduction
I for one needed fresh air. We walked over to the big dog side and let ourselves in through the double gates. There was a woman I recognized as a regular standing near the entrance. She has a standard poodle and they’re both kind of crabby. I noticed she was looking at us pretty closely. “We have a dog coming,” I assured her.

We wandered, occasionally getting to pet a dog who decided to use our legs as Home Base, the safe spot to catch their breath before running off again.

I saw Mica bring the little white dog inside. He sat to wait until Mica removed the leash, but I could see he was vibrating with anticipation. As soon as she told him to go play, he raced off, running all out toward a group of dogs. As he sped by, I called his name. He barely glanced toward me but it was enough to get his attention, and he came over to jump on me and lick the air near my face.

Blaine reached out, properly presenting his hand for sniffing. The little white dog sniffed his fingers, licked the back of his hand, even allowed one almost-full wag (high endorsement coming from him), then he ran off again. I heard Blaine mutter “uh oh” as he stood.

“Hey!” Mica approached us. “He liked you! He usually doesn’t allow men to touch him.”

“I’m in then?” Blaine asked. We assured him he was.