So that's a Christmas tree

Tuesday

The other week I bought a string of battery operated Christmas lights. I put them on a 12-inch “tree”--eucalyptus leaves and pine needles--that someone gave me years ago in an attempt to help me have some kind of seasonal decoration. As much as I love Australia, the eucalyptus doesn’t say Christmas to me so I never opened it. This year I wanted a few Christmas lights and thought this was a good way to incorporate them. It didn’t work out. Too few lights and not enough branches to put them on.

The lights, which are on a timer, happened to come on while Blaine and I were watching TV tonight. “Hey, look at that,” he said. “So that’s a Christmas tree. I wasn’t sure.” I laughed.  He asked, “Are you putting anything else out?” Last weekend I changed to Christmas bedding--red quilt over crisp white sheets--and I changed the hand soap in the bathroom from watermelon scented to “Christmas Spiced Wreath.” I even put out a Christmas hand towel. It may not seem like much but it’s more than I’ve cared to do in years. It’s progress. I did consider putting up the tree but felt a jab of sadness and knew this wasn’t the year.

Blaine’s home looks wonderful. He, Allison (daughter), Ty (son-in-law) and Eli (grandson) put up a tree covered in multi-color lights. Most of the ornaments are ones that that Allison made as a girl. There are mix of other ornaments too, mostly from sets of four. They put garland and flameless candles on the mantle, poinsettias here and there. And outside on the deck there are lights and wreaths. I have not noticed festively scented hand soaps…

I haven’t had a chance to sink into the couch cushions, relax and enjoy all the pretty things but will soon.

I do still love Christmas but it’s a wrenching time of year too. Perhaps I haven’t worked hard enough to put the sadness away. Perhaps that isn’t possible. Perhaps there are ways other than decorations to reopen the place in my heart that is made of tinsel and twinkle lights.

To answer the question he asked, I said, “I think I would rather experience Christmas in other ways this year.”

“How can I help?”

“Can you ice skate?”