At present

Henry wasn’t blunt about it but he said something to me yesterday that makes me think he knows my position will be cut in this next round. In a roundabout way he also said that if this project proposal is accepted, he’ll have some latitude to keep me around to work on it. It would be temporary, part-time and I doubt benefits would be offered, but it would provide some income while I look, and I’m grateful for that. I didn’t post anything last night because I was feeling pretty low and needed to put it out of my mind.

Mica asked me to meet her for lunch at a Chinese restaurant. I didn’t mention any of the above, again not feeling like talking about it. We talked about the dogs―Little White Dog is getting depressed by Shadow’s presence, and Shadow is acting out to get attention during the day when Mica is working. Dogs have more in common with kids than non-dog people know. 

She carefully approached something that has been bothering her, which is that she doesn't think I’m confiding in her like I usually do when I’m dating someone. I think I am. I tell her what Blaine and I do and talk about, although there are a few things I don’t share because some things should remain with the person you choose to share with. I acknowledged it is different this time but only because I don’t want to repeat mistakes, and one mistake I always made was to let things get too big, too important too soon.

I only think about the present, without comparing it to the past. At present I’m having fun getting to know someone new, someone interesting who likes thought provoking conversations about all kinds of things, someone who is quietly funny and sometimes makes me laugh in a way that leaves me at the mercy of spontaneous giggles for minutes after, someone who seems to find me interesting and, somehow, attractive enough.
At present I’m enjoying the uncomplicated reality of looking forward to seeing someone, feeling butterflies when he puts his hand on my back or bends down to say something into my ear, anticipating what new piece of information or touch will be revealed when we're next together.

She said she understood. I hope so. She's the most important person in my life. We transformed from friendship to family years and years ago. I think I just need more time to find a comfort zone.